Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
