Someone shit on the floor
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
