I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
