just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
