WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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