i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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