If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
