WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
