so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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