Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
