Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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