It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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