I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You ate ashes out of my bong
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
