My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize