No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
