I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
