The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
