Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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