this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
