The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
