my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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