So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
