Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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