who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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