And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
a search helicopter?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
