so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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