she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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