Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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