Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
