And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
