Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
