i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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