Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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