I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
