she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
