i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
