I can tuck mytits in my pants
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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