Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
