Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
