Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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