At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
