"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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