You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bring me that man meat
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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