how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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