I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
