This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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