I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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