Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
