Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
