He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
