i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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