I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
