I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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