apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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