You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize