You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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