my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
