That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
