highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
