Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
