I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
