I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
