apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
