respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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