Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
