bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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