My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
