What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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