someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
